Where is My Scottie Pippen?

(Apologies in advance for the long column, but its good---I swear it is)
So I’ve basically strapped this site to my back and I’m taking on all challenges. But its pretty tough. Sure, I am AMAZING. But when I signed on to do this, I was promised help. Where is my help?! Sure I hate sharing all the glory, of MY site with others but now I see how hard it is to do it all alone. I mean is the best help I can get some guy who delivers only when he feels like it? Sure, he’s great when he shows up, in fact he’s nearly TSJ-esque. Just look at his last column with the Bullsh*t title and reference to Hibachi. I mean that is superstar stuff. But that was a few columns ago and he has yet to show up again. Every time I think we’re going good he disappears on me again; and its one excuse after another. He has to work. He has to sleep. He’s sick. Is this what I signed up for? I think not. Okay he has actual, real life concerns to worry about, but fuck that shit man, I need MY help. I need MY glory. And the only way I’m going to motherfucking get my glory is to get some fucking help around here. I get the credit when things go well, and deservedly so but I’m sick and tired of getting the blame if a column comes off poorly. You think I have time to proofread this shit man? Does it matter that he doesn’t get paid for this? Of course not man, its all about TEAM and HEART and all that stuff. And of course I’ll support him when things are going well, but I swear he’s pulled a no-show for the last time and now I’m throwing him under the bus. So look, this is how its going to be. We need to make some changes around here this summer. I mean I’m the motherfucking Jordan of writing, where is my Scottie Pippen? Where is the Abdul-Jabaar to my Magic Johnson? The Rice to my Montana? The Stockton to my Malone? The Alomar to my Vizquel? The Henderson to my Stroud? The Rob to my Big Black? (Pause for Classic Picture...













...Okay, Continue)The Apollo to my Rocky? The George to my Jerry? The Tubbs to my Crockett? The Patrick to my Olbermann? The Wennington to my Kerr? The Shaq to my Ko…..um yeah, we won’t be going there…

Okay, of course everything I wrote up there was BS and I don’t mean any of it. But Kobe basically pulled this crap on Lamar Odom a few weeks ago and seemingly everyone around here runs to his defense. “Oh Kobe, you are so great you deserve all the help you can get. I know, let’s trade Smush Parker and Brian Cook for Kevin Garnett. What’s that you say, T-Wolves GM and former Celtic Kevin McHale doesn’t want to help the Lakers? Oh, that’s okay because New Jersey will definitely trade us Jason Kidd for Sahsa Vujacic, afterall they need a Serbian player to play along Center Nenad Kristic. No? They won’t do that deal. I can’t believe it. Can’t they see how GREAT Sasha is? Fine. We’ll give Indiana Luke Walton for Jermaine O’Neal. That will work won’t it? What do you mean no? But we are the Lakers!? We NEED these players. We DESERVE these players!”

Alright, so maybe its not that bad, but you know its bordering on the brink of insanity over here when even the Laker homer radio hosts are telling the fans their expectations are unrealistic. Does the GM need to go? Absolutely, though since you can’t find a Laker Hater bigger than me, I don’t mind if Kupchak continues to run the franchise straight into the ground. Taking off the Hatred Glasses for a second, the Lakers are at a crossroads here. They either trade 19 year old Andrew Bynum for some immediate help for Kobe Bryant and make good on the few prime years he has left, or the get rid of Kobe Bryant for some young talent and draft picks and start from scratch around Jordan Farmar and Bynum. I personally would trade Bynum. As much as I hate Kobe, he is a phenomenal player and the one player I’d want on my team with the game on the line….its not even close. There is no way you’d get equal value for him if you traded him, so move Bynum and live with it if he becomes the next Shaq a few years down the line. Kobe put himself in this boat when he ran Shaq out of town….but he didn’t have to stay with the Lakers either. They promised him help. They traded the only all-star they got for Shaq (Caron Butler) to Washington for Kwame Brown (Kwame Brown!). That’s not help. Hey Lakers management, you promised him help but it looks like you are content to live off the gate that a top 3 player brings in every night (see: Garnett, Kevin).

All that being said, if you are Kobe Bryant, you cannot throw your teammates under the bus like that. Lamar Odom played with a separated shoulder in the playoffs and put up 19 points and 13 rebounds per game. He’s deferred to you to a fault and defended your every move, and you dump him the moment the season’s over. Classy. Real Classy…

On that note, just contribute when you can, BE. I know you’ll bring your A game when you do contribute and that’ll be good enough for me…unless of course Simmons wants to start writing on this blog. Then, well….try and line up between the tires of the bus as it passes over your head….